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Did I Read That Sign Right? In an office:  TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW  In a Laundromat:  AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT  In a London department store:  BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS  In an office:  WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN  In an office:  AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD  Outside a secondhand shop:  WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?  Notice in health food shop window:  CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS  Spotted in a safari park:  ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR  Seen during a conference:  FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR  Notice in a farmer's...

Women never lie: While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents,  "I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life" Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents....?????? No..... because women don't lie.

A business man was late for his flight. He reached the boarding gate just before it closed. Sweating and out of breath, he scanned his boarding pass at the counter and quickly made his way to the plane. Arriving at his seat, he greeted his companions for the next few hours: a middle-aged woman sitting at the window, and a little girl sitting on the aisle seat. After stowing his bag above, he took his place between them. After the flight took off, he began a conversation with the little girl. She appeared to be about the same age as his daughter and was busy with her coloring book. He asked her a few usual questions, such as her age (eight), her hobbies (cartoons and drawing), as well as her favorite animal (horses are pretty, but she just loved cats). He found it strange that such a young girl would be traveling alone, but he kept his thoughts to himself and decided to keep an eye on her to make sure she was okay. About an hour into the flight, the plane suddenly began exp...

Suddenly wife wakes up her husband @ 2 AM. Wife:"who was heroine in film TRIDEV? Husband :"Madhuri Dixit, Sangita Bijlani n Sonam"!! Wife:what was the screen name of Kajol in Dil Vale dulhaniya le jayege? ? Husband :"Simran"!! Wife : How much did Sachin score in WC match against Pakistan in 2003? Husband : 98 Wife:"Kavita, residing our opposite flat,when did she move in? ? Husband :" Two months completed last Wednesday. ... But, why are you asking me all this in the middle of the night? ? Wife:" Yesterday was my birthday " "Silence" "Pin drop Silence"

Nurse to patient with bleeding head. Nurse: your name? Patient: Raja. Nurse: age? Patient: 25 years. Nurse: married? Patient: no no, car accident !!

ஒரு கார் பயணத்தில்  முதலாளி உறங்க ஓட்டுநர்  காரை ஓட்டுகிறார். அப்போது  ஒரு நாய் குறுக்க வர ஓட்டுநர்  சட்டென நிறுத்துகிறார்.. முதலாளி தூக்கம் கலைந்து கண் விழித்து "ஏன் சடன் ப்ரேக் போட்ட" என்று கேட்டார். ஓட்டுநர் நடந்ததை கூறினார். முதலாளி ஓட்டுநரிடம் "எந்த நாய் குறுக்க வந்தாலும் கார் ஏத்தி கொல்லு"னு சொல்லி விட்டு உறங்கி விட்டார். கொஞ்சம் நேரத்திற்கு பிறகு கார் குலுங்கி குலுங்கி சென்றது. முதலாளி கண் விழித்து பார்க்கும் போது கார் வயல் காட்டில் சென்றது. ஓட்டுநரிடம் "என்ன ஆச்சு" என்று வினவினார். "முதலாளி நம்ம வண்டி முன்னாடி ஒரு நாய் குறுக்க வந்தது. நீங்க சொன்ன மாதிரி நான் அந்த நாய கார் ஏத்தி கொல்ல பார்த்தேன். ஆனா அது கொஞ்சம் மிஸ் ஆயிடுச்சி. அந்த நாய் இப்ப இந்த வயக்காட்டில் தான் ஓடுது. நீங்க கவல ப் படாம தூங்குங்க. அந்த நாய  நான்  பாத்துகிறேன்.." என்றா ர் .

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started.... ************************* My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started.... *************************** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a petrol pump And then the fight started.... *************************** My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.' I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.' And then the fight started.... *************************** ...

Girl: I am on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube & Skype. Boy: You need to get a life! Girl: I am not on that one can you send me the link?

The only thing we can learn in English College during serious lectures is... . . . . . Typing messages without looking at the Mobile phones!

Teacher: Draw a Diagram of bacteria Sunny: Here it is sir. Teacher:  Where..?  You haven’t drawn anything. Sunny:  Sir Can You See bacteria without Microscope? ┈┈┈┈╭╲╲╲╲╲╲╮┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈╭╋┳━┳┳━┳╋╮┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┃┫┃▋╱┃▋┃┣┃┈┈┈ ┈┈┈╰┫╰━▔╰━╯┣╯┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈┃┣┳┳┳┳┫┃┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈┃╰┻┻┻┻╯┃┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈╰━┓┈┈┏━╯┈┈┈┈